What Does It Take To Be Happy Together?

The best way to be happy as a couple - in fact the only lasting way... is to be happy apart.

So many people get into or stay in a relationship because they are afraid of being alone.

They are not happy alone... so they look for the reason. And they decide that they must be unhappy because they have no-one to love or to love them.

"If I had someone to love and to love me I would be complete and happy" they say.

Then they meet someone who roughly matches up. Initially it is exciting and fun. Both sides are intrigued and fascinated by the other.

"Oh, now we can be so happy together" they think.

They begin making up an image of the other person. One based not on what the person is really like... but on how they are acting (on their best behaviour) and on how you expect them to act in the future.

For a while it all goes well... so they are happy together.

Later though, they relax with each other. They stop living up to the image that the other still holds of them.

The other partner becomes resentful that they aren't acting as they 'should' be, that they have changed.

Usually they won't actually say what they are unhappy with. But they will start to bicker. And will expect that their Partner should understand what is on their mind.

The unsaid feelings, the frustrations, the hidden anger and criticisms are like a telescope between you.

When anything is between you, you will not be as happy together as you could be.

But if that thing is not resolved, it will expand and grow. And the small pole between you will expand and force you further and further apart.

If every difference is not eliminated... it will stop you getting close and so being happy together.