Self Esteem Problem

If you took two people whose relationship had broken up and asked them why the relationship hadn’t worked out, it’s likely both would have a different story. In most cases, particularly if the break up was acrimonious each would blame the other.

Obviously both can’t be true… or can they?

 So often through life we act as if everything is someone else’s fault. As if there is only one objective world. In truth there is a world for each individual.

We live in a world of relativity. Everything is relative. This means there are no absolutes… no certainties.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity
Albert Einstein

Therefore we have choice. Choice in how we perceive… interpret… and respond.

Having choice means that the difference in good, or bad, is down to us. It is not inherent in the person, place or thing… it just depends on how we choose to perceive it. Therefore our relationships are really all about us, and where we choose to be in relation to the other person.

A relationship is not about two people trying to be something that they’re not in order to fit together. It’s not possible to be someone you’re not and be happy. Neither can your Partner. Sooner or later you’ll get frustrated with your Partner or vice versa.

However if You are yourself and your Partner themselves. You still have choice in how you perceive them and so how you judge them.

Every individual is capable of a full range of emotions. We can all feel happy, sad, frustrated and ecstatic. Equally we are all capable of being the full range of behaviors from angelic to evil.

Some people will come across you and see certain behaviors and emotions and judge you in a certain way. And others will see completely different behaviors and judge you in a completely opposite way. This could even be in response to the same contexts. So one judges you poorly for the same behavior and demeanor that another judges you highly for. You see, it doesn’t matter what you do… however people judge you has far more to do with their history and Operating System than it has to do with your actions.

In the early days of a relationship, the honeymoon stage, couples tend to perceive the behaviors that they rate most highly. Later, in times when you feel a dislike for the person, you will perceive the range that you judge to be more negative. Sometimes it is even the same behavior. It is not that they have necessarily changed, but that your displeasure with them… your frustration about something even unrelated to them, has caused you to tune into the negative range of perceptions.

If you want to maintain your relationship and make it more enjoyable, it is possible by remembering what you perceive is a choice.

If you allow frustration and resentments to go unresolved between you this will create a balloon between you that will grow. This then inclines you towards the negative perceptions.

All frustrations and resentments are of course caused by perception. Often in relationships the Economic Mindset causes us to continually assess if we are generating the maximum return on our investment. Is there a better deal outside for us?

The solution to this is to choose your Partner. Rather than looking at your Partner to see if he or she matches up… decide to just enjoy them whatever. Decide to choose them in any context rather than thinking who might be better in a certain area.