Your Most Important Relationship

 

We all come into this world not knowing another soul, screaming and yelling in shock and fear.

We will all take our last breath and step into the darkness of the unknown afterlife alone.

By far the most important relationship we ever have is the one with ourselves.  It is this that determines the quality of all other relationships and so by extension how the world treats us.

I wrote a chapter in First Face North about the difference between choosing to be with someone versus needing to.  When you know you’re fine with or without a Partner, friend or even family member, it changes the basis of the relationship.  Needing makes you weak.  It changes you because it introduces fear.  The ideal state is without fear because then you can truly be you.  Fear inhibits.

In between us entering the world alone and leaving alone, we live our lives trying to give other people and ourselves some special meaning.  Let’s just make sure that we all understand this…

Though we are constantly surrounded by the illusion that we are part of something bigger, that we matter to those who love us, that we belong and all that.  The reality is that each step we walk, we really walk alone.

It’s hard to say this without sounding like I have a very bleak and bitter view of life.  It’s not that.  I do think your life is enhanced by being a part of something bigger and so on.  In fact, I think it’s an essential ingredient for a happy life.

What I’m really trying to get at though is this idea people have that when life really tests them they look to others for their strength.  They want to look to the Government, to experts, to ‘them’ to make it all better.  And so when ‘they’ don’t fix things people feel helpless.  And helplessness is the path to depression.

You have all the strength you need to do whatever you need to.  However, you can only access it by digging deep and so many people look outside of themselves before and instead of looking inside.  No one else can ever know you as deeply as you can and so no one else can give you a better answer for what is right for you as you can.  There can be experts for observable and testable scientific principles, but each person is different and so we cannot know what is right for them without seeing deep into their soul.

When you develop this resourcefulness in yourself it develops self-confidence.  And that self-confidence is the basis for not needing as much from the world and so you can choose the people you surround yourself with socially and professionally.

You may have people that love you and adore you, yet no one really goes through all the steps of your life.  Not with the same multi-dimensional degree of experience that you do.  And you may love others, truly devotedly… yet you cannot experience what they can.  There are parts of our experience, our emotional, intellectual and spiritual experiences that no one else can understand, relate to or help you with.  It is these where you have to understand this is your path and you’re in this alone.

“They thought that it would be a disgrace to go forth as a group. Each entered the forest at a point that he himself had chosen, where it was darkest and there was no path. If there is a path it is someone else’s path and you are not on the adventure.”

Joseph Campbell